Pants 0. Shit 1.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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