just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
