i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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