why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
