The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
