i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I will be naked everywhere
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
