A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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