you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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