just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
