im having a threesome with these popsicles
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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