Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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