my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
