I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My bed smells like the plague
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
