I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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