i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
