Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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