OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
