If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
