god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
