Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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