thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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