I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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