wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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