Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
