She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
