just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
