Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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