I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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