Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and she was petting her beer can
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
