It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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