im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
