Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
