Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
