Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
