Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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