I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
