Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
