ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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