I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
