i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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