): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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