it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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