i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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