Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
