Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize