I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
