Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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