Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
