loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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