The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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