the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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