last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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