Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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