i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
