What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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