You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
