My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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