I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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