The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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