I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
