you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
